I am better now!
Thanks for listening to my whinning and for your encouragement.
Y'all are the best!
*************
Last night I was spoiled.
Josh went to work yesterday at 3am. (Drug dealer...stakeout) Because of that he was home around 5pm. At first I thought that we would just have a night in, but Josh knows that I am a girl who loves to go out for dinner, so we made our way out to eat. After dinner I had to do a quick purchase at Target so he dropped me off so I could do some shopping alone and he took Alyse to a pet store a few doors down. When we got home, he did the whole bedtime routine and put Alyse down for bed.
It was so nice!
Now, 24 hours later, I am home alone. I spent the day doing laundry, picking up toys, and dealing with a toddler with a cold (meaning she has a very runny nose, is very fussy, and quite sensitive!) Instead of a yummy dinner, I ate leftovers. I then did the whole bedtime thing by myself.
Tonight was more difficult though. For some reason, Alyse decided that she wanted her daddy. She sat in her crib crying and screaming. After awhile I couldn't handle listening to it in the monitor anymore.
When I went in I was mad! I was mad that she was screaming like that. I was mad that I was doing this by myself. I was mad that she was crying for Josh and there was nothing that I could do about it.
I picked her up and listened to her say over and over, "Josh! Daddy! Dadadaddada! Josh!"
After awhile, I wasn't mad anymore. I was sad.
I was sad because there was nothing that I could do. I was sad because I know that Josh would want to be there in the rocker holding her. I was sad because I know she loves her daddy and misses him. I was sad because I know that she won't see him until Saturday because Thursday and Fridays are his really long days.
Soon Alyse had stopped crying and was sound asleep, but my tears were still slipping down my cheeks.
There are so many times that I feel like I am a single mom. Josh is here as much as he can, but he works long hours.
I sometimes get so jealous of my friends who have their husbands home for dinner. I want to fix something that I know he will enjoy nice and hot right out of the oven...not the microwave in a break room.
I want every once in awhile to go out on a date night.
I want a daddy that Alyse can read books with and snuggle with before bed more than one night a week.
I want to enjoy that "after the kids are in bed time" with Josh watching TV together, talking, and loving on each other.
Instead, I will sit here in bed by myself.
Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself tonight, but well, sometimes a girl has to have a pity party.
6 comments:
Oh! :( Im sorry. I can only imagine how you feel! I think my mom felt similar to you because my dad was gone for one to two weeks at a time. I remember night after night of my dad not being home for dinner or even a school event. I know that it was a lot of work for my mom..and she too felt like a single mom at times. I really see my mom as a strong person and I really appreciate everything she did for me now. So I know that one good thing that will come from it is that Alyse will see what a good mom she has and will be so thankful! I hope this was encouraging...I tend to ramble.. :)
Thanks Angie! You are sweet!
I usually try to be more uplifting, but it has been a rough day.
I don't always like to post the whinny stuff, but sometimes I think I have to be real about things.
I hope that Alyse does know that I am trying to be the best mom I can be.
Oh goodness! That is such a sad post! I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you, Josh, and even Alyse! I'm so sorry!
Hi Stephanie. Thank you for your comment over at my blog.
I think you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel like a single mom all the time. My husband for the past 7 years has always worked LONG hours, mostly doing the graveyard shifts as a dispatcher and when he was doing security. In a way I'm used to it, and I have sort of have a routine without him, but it is so hard! We don't get to date like I want to, and oh my goodness it is so hard dealing with a 6 year old and a 3 year old, especially with a newborn now in the picture. It seems like when there are bad days they are REALLY bad. I'm glad you posted about this, because more people know what it's like than we think. It's comforting to know that there are others out there that know what it's like.
anyway, you have a beautiful family, and i've been enjoying reading your posts. i love that you guys are highschool sweathearts. Very cute. I'm going to add you to my police wife links if that's okay.
I'm sorry. That has got to be really tough for you all. I am fortunate that for most of the year I have a husband who works 8 hour shifts. They switch him around from shift to shift, but he's still always around for at least some part of the day. In the summer though he puts in REALLY long days and it's hard. The boys really miss him and it's just plain hard to do it on my own all day. I only have to deal with this a couple months of the year, I can't imagine how hard it is to do all the time! I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I, too, am sorry for your rough day.
I'm praying now that you'll have a better day today.
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