In Memory

It was Saturday, March 31, 2007.

Alyse was asleep in her bassinet in the corner of our room. Josh was running late coming home from work, which is not unusual. When I finally heard the garage door open, I waited for him to come in and then gave him a kiss. He went to the kitchen to get something to eat. As he walked away from me, his phone rang. Figuring it was probably Sean (a fellow police officer who Josh went through Academy with and who he works with), I went into our closet to pull out what I was going to wear to church the next day.

All of a sudden I heard Josh's radio. I thought that was odd that he had turned it back on, and I was kinda irritated because it was so loud, but I figured there was some big call that he wanted to listen to. Then he turned the TV on. I walked out to see what was going on, and to tell him to turn everything down so he didn't wake up the baby.

He was standing at the end of our bed with his phone to his ear, the radio in one hand and the remote in the other. I walked out and said, "Josh, that is way to loud. What are you doing?" No answer. He just kept flipping the channels. I asked him "What's wrong?", but he still didn't respond. Finally he looked at me and said, "Sean heard that someone was shot. Here, try to find it on the television. I have to find out what is going on."

It seemed like hours (it probably was half and hour), but finally after many phone calls, Josh found out that 2 officers from his district had been shot. We then found out that they had been on a call to the Timber Ridge Apartments (which is where Josh worked an overtime job every Saturday before Alyse was born.)

Josh still kept calling people. He kept saying, "I have to go." "I can't believe it." "I have to go." Sean had already turned around and headed back to the scene. He told Josh that it was too crazy. He told him not to come in because they wouldn't let him on scene now. There was too much going on. He told him to stay home and he would keep him updated. Sean called over and over to fill us in on the news. He learned that one officer was dead on arrival and the other was on the way to the hospital. Then he told us that they were both dead. Eventually, we learned their names.

Sean Clark and Jeff Shelton.

(Please click on their names and pictures for more information.)

Josh never did come to bed. He stayed up all night. At about 5:30am I went out to the couch to check on him. He was sitting there with is radio still on his lap. I asked him if he was going to go to church or if he was going to try to get a little sleep. He got up, hugged and kissed me, and then walked to the shower. He took the longest shower that I can ever imagine him taking. Eventually he got all his stuff together and took off for church. I called my parents and then some friends to let them know if they saw it on the news, Josh was ok.

For the rest of that day he acted pretty normal. People kept asking how he was. Lots of people asked what had happened. The only people that I saw him show any real emotion to was Pastor and Sean. I felt bad for him because I knew he was exhausted both emotionally and physically.

Josh is normally off on Sundays and Mondays, but he went into the office anyway. There was lots of debriefings and informal meetings. Eventually plans were made for the viewings and the funerals. I didn't really know what to do because I had this little 1 month old baby. I felt like I needed to be with Josh and take part in all the events, but Josh encouraged me to just stay home. I feel like I hardly saw Josh that week. He would call me and fill me in on what was going on, but we both hardly said a word on the phone.

Sean's funeral was first. I packed a diaper bag, dress up myself and Alyse and headed to the church. Josh road on the bus with the other officers from D3, so I made my way through the PACKED parking lot. After awhile all the D3 officers were told to line up to follow the family in. Josh held Alyse and we made our way into the sanctuary.

As I walked in, it felt so surreal. I felt like I was in a fog. I looked over and saw Sherry, Sean's widow, sitting there with her little boy on her lap. She was very pregnant and looked so tired. I looked at Josh holding our little girl and felt so sad for her, but I also felt guilty. I had my husband. Alyse had her Daddy. I also felt so selfish because I was so glad that it wasn't me!

During the funeral I kept watching her. She was so put together. Of course she cried, but she also laughed. She took care of her little boy. She made it through the bag pipes. She made it through the casket being carried down the aisle. She made it through the songs, prayers, and speeches. For almost 3 hours, she sat there - through her husband's funeral. We left the sanctuary and watched the casket be loaded into the waiting car while all the officers stood at attention. She walked by me and gave a small smile as her son skipped in front of her. I was in awe of her.

We then all loaded up on some buses to attend the graveside ceremony. Out the window was a sea of police cars. They were everywhere and from everywhere. Also, there was a firetruck with the biggest flag I have ever seen. As we drove down the road to the cemetery, we began to see people lining the streets. People were standing there with their hands over their hearts or holding flags paying their respects. Cars were pulled over, people were holding signs, and many were crying. It was over whelming to me. It was something that I will never forget.

After the ceremony, we returned to the church. I got in my car to go home. Josh had to stay for Jeff's visitation. When Josh got home, we both went to bed. The next morning, we had to do it all over again. This time I think we were both a little more prepared for the days events.

Jeff's funeral was just as sad. I watched his wife, Jennifer, walk down and sit in the same seat that Sherry had sat in the day before. She too amazed me. She was sad, of course, but held herself together so well. Josh and I ended up sitting at the end of the pew. I looked to my right, and directly across the aisle from us sat Sherry. This funeral, however, she really cried. I think she knew that the cameras and attention were not on her. She had held it together the day before, but now she let out all her tears. I sat there and cried and cried too. I felt so much for her and for Jennifer. Months later, I still feel for them!

When Sean and Jeff were killed, it was very sad. It did make me think about Josh working in the same area - at the same apartments. It was a little scary, but I know that if God chooses to take Josh in the line of duty, he will go doing something that he loves. He will also die with honor. I don't want Josh to ever leave me, but I would love for people to remember him as a hero. However, I will continue to pray that God will bring him home safely to us every night.

* This post was actually written about a year ago and posted on my original blog. So, some of you may have read it before. But since tonight is the 2 year anniversary of the night that Sean and Jeff were shot, I felt it was time to share the story again.