Update

I just wanted to get on really fast and give you all a quick update.

First, I want to thank everyone so much for all your kind words and prayers. There have been so many text messages, emails, phone calls, and comments on here and on Facebook. Thank you so much. I wish that I could get in touch with each and every one of you and thank you personally, but for now I will just have to say a big thank you to everyone together.

Let me just wanted to fill y'all in on everything that has been happening.

On Thursday night I didn't feel very good. I was having back pain and my stomach was cramping. I noticed that I was spotting a good amount. I called Josh and asked him to come home to watch Alyse. I went to bed and put my feet up trying to relax and not stress.

By Friday morning I knew something was wrong. There was a lot more than just spotting and I felt sick. I called the doctor and she fit me in as soon as possible. By 10am she had done an ultrasound and confirmed that there was no heartbeat and I was having a miscarriage.

She pulled us into her office and told us a bunch of information. I honestly can't remember most of what she said. I teared up a bit, but I held myself together. I just remember thinking that I wanted to go home.

For the rest of the day on Friday I was in my bed. That was my crying day.

By Saturday morning I was in a lot of pain. I had major stomach cramps and a horrible headache. By 3pm I was having some major complications. (Lots of bleeding, pain, feeling sick, and other things that I really don't feel comfortable putting out there for everyone to read.)

Josh decided after a few hours that things did not seem right so he decided to call the emergency line at our doctor's office. After answering a number of questions they told him that he needed to call an ambulance and get me to the hospital uptown.

I really did not want to go in an ambulance, so Josh got some things together and we rushed to the hospital. (Josh's mom had just arrived for a visit so she ended up staying with Alyse.)

At the hospital I ended up having another ultrasound, seeing a number of doctors who did a few different procedures, and was in a lot of pain. After some time I was hooked up to an IV with some pain meds and was admitted for the night. The next morning I talked to another doctor. She gave me a couple of options. I really wanted to just go home. We had not been prepared for staying over night at the hospital and I was worried about Alyse. I told her that I was fine with going home to finished on my own with pain medicine. So, she discharged me.

Since I have been home I am still in a lot of pain. I have been very sick, but the bleeding is much better. At this point the miscarriage is not complete. I have another Drs. appointment on Friday. If I have not finished on my own by then I will have to have a D&C or possible another surgery that was one of the options presented to me at the hospital.

The one thing that we did discover after all the ultrasounds is that I actually was 10 weeks pregnant. (Remember all the confusion over the due date?) It seems that the baby was measured small, but I was 10 weeks.

A lot of people keep asking me how I am. I really am ok.

As for my emotions - they are everywhere!
Friday I was very sad. Saturday I was scared.
Sunday I was exhausted. Yesterday I was sick.
Today.... I am ready to be done. I think I am also going to stop taking as much meds because I think they are making me sick. Plus I don't really want to be so out of it. As of now, I am feeling pain, but I think I can handle it... for now.

I really do think that I will be fine. Of course I will be sad for awhile, and I'm in a little shock because I never thought that I would have to go through all of this. However, I really do know that everything is going to be fine.

I have read up on things and I really don't feel a lot of emotions that I "am suppose to experience". I don't have any anger at myself, God, doctors.... I also do not have any guilt. I know that I did not do anything "wrong". There is also nothing that "I should have" done. I am healthy. I am young, and I do feel like this is just something that happened. I may not understand it, but honestly, there is nothing that I can do about it. It happened. It happened for a reason. So I am just going to trust in God's plan.

Ok...back to bed.